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Lou Jenkins is the award-winning author of
Every Natural Fact: Five Seasons of Open-Air Parenting
"If you combined the lyricism of Annie Dillard, the vision of
Aldo Leopold, and the gentle but tough-minded optimism of Frank
McCourt, you might come close to Amy Lou Jenkins.Tom Bissell
author of The Father of All Things
"Sentence by sentence, a joy to
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Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen M. DuBoisis
a writer, singer/songwriter and has been writing since she could. Her work
God Allows U-Turns. She carries the book in her Christian Lyrics giftshop-
Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Hunterhouse Publishing, located on her Anxiety
http://anxietyattacks.homestead.com/index.html, and her ebook,
Never Held You- a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery, DLSIJ Press,
based on her own experience with miscarriage eleven years ago-
Her book, Jackie's Heart, fiction, will be released in 2003 in paperback by
Publish America. Much of her inspirational poetry can be sent as greeting cards
through AngelRays.com and through Writings of the Heart, Inspiration. Her
original Christian lyrics can be found at ChristSongs,
http://christsongs.homestead.com/untitled1.html. For more information on
Ellen's work, upcoming publications, and online sites she's contributed to,
please visit her bio. page at Writings of the Heart, resources for writers-http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/aboutme.html
A note from Ellen regarding
Never Held You.
Why did I write this book? Miscarriage is one of the most painful things you
can experience, and those who have know what I'm talking about. When I
miscarried nearly eleven years ago, I could find NOTHING to help me. I was on a
roller coaster ride of emotion, and all I got from doctors was an unsympathetic
"You'll be able to have more children," and "This is very common." Their words,
although not intended to be harsh, were. I found very little comfort in
anything or anyone, and found nothing in bookstores about miscarriage and how to
cope. Every book I looked at was about HAVING a baby, not LOSING one. I just
wanted my grief validated! If only I could hold a book in my hands that said
what I needed to hear! Just because there was never a baby held, doesn't mean
there was never a baby. What of all the dreams that disappeared when that tiny
life inside of me did? What of the plans, wishes, and love? There was no
longer a baby to shower those things upon. Back the, the Internet was foreign to
me. Support groups abound, today. Still, there is very little in terms of a
book that simply says, "I've walked your road, know how you feel and no, you're
NOT crazy for feeling the way you do." Through my story, which so many can
relate to, I hope to establish a connection between women who have suffered a
miscarriage, and in many cases, sadly more than one. I believe that connection
leads to healing. Simply KNOWING that someone else lived those days when they
didn't know which end was up, or couldn't figure out why they were still crying,
months or even years after their miscarriage, is not only reassuring, it's
comforting. It does not take away the grief, nor is it intended to. However,
the less we feel alone, the better off we are. Sometimes, it takes someone who
has lived it to really help. THAT is why I wrote this book, and I hope it
reaches and helps anyone who needs it. It is one of my missions in this life.
My Angel Baby:
A poem both in the book and on the I Never Held You website. You will also find
many free support resources there.
My Angel Baby-
Dedicated to my Angel Baby, Alex
When I found out you were there-
growing inside of me,
I was surprised and a little scared-
of how our life would be.
But, I loved you from the moment-
I knew that you were there.
Even though we hadn't planned you-
I felt joy beyond compare.
And then one day I noticed-
that I did not feel right.
My sister to my rescue-
to save me from this plight.
A cold and sterile table-
I sat upon in fear.
The doctor looked for you-
and found that you weren't there.
God wanted you my little one-
not on this earthly plane.
Not a day has passed my dear one-
that I haven't felt the pain.
He said you weren't "viable".
I asked, "What does that mean?"
He replied you were not living-
and my heart began to scream.
For sixteen weeks I had you-
warm within my womb.
And although I'll never know you-
My love's as constant as the moon.
My arms will never hold you,
your eyes I will not see-
I'll never feel you sleeping
so softly upon me.
Sometimes there are no answers
to the tragedies in life.
I must believe that God-
knew the moment wasn't right.
So much time has passed-
since that empty, lonely time.
But even as I write this,
my eyes with tears do shine.
But please remember precious one-
in Heaven up above-
You'll always be my Angel Baby-
You'll always have my Love.
© Ellen M. DuBois
Ms. DuBois resides in Massachusetts, is engaged, has a cute little 'hot dog'
named Baron, and continues to reach for her dream of being a writer who touches
the hearts of others.